FTC Calls For Facebook To Break Up Married Couple’s Weird Shared Account

Illustration for article titled FTC Calls For Facebook To Break Up Married Couple’s Weird Shared Account

WASHINGTON—Following a five-year investigation into their joint social media presence, the Federal Trade Commission announced Friday it was seeking an injunction that would require Facebook to break up the really weird shared account belonging to married couple Lisa and Greg Kyrgos of North Platte, NE.

“It is imperative that Lisa and Greg be forced to obtain separate Facebook logins, as their bizarre practice of using the same account is deeply unsettling to the public,” said FTC lawyer Charlotte Tompkins, alleging the pair had engaged in a systematic effort to creep out friends and family with relentlessly upbeat posts in which they speak as if they were a single entity. “We have filed suit in federal court to stop Facebook from allowing this couple to subject us to whatever terrifying relationship quirk has led them to submerge their individual selves under the username GreggyNLise. Two people using one monolithic persona to post about ‘our day off’ or ‘our doctor’s appointment’ or a book ‘we liked’ is not acceptable. And it doesn’t get any better when they use ‘I’ or ‘me,’ because then we aren’t sure if they mean Lisa or Greg or what.”

“By the way, if Lisa seriously thinks this shared account is going to prevent Greg’s old girlfriends from finding a way to contact him, she’s fooling herself,” Tomkins continued. “He’s right there on LinkedIn.”

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FTC officials also argued that Facebook should split up the account as soon as possible to prevent the couple from merging it with the separate but equally weird one they have for their dog.

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