WASHINGTON—Saying that the ongoing shutdown, which has lasted nearly a month, had forced him to consider other options for work, furloughed federal employee Elliott Baker confirmed Monday that he had started an online search for a new government. “I like working for the United States, but I’ve got a family to feed and no one knows when this shutdown will end, so I’ve had no choice but to update my resume and go government-hunting on the internet,” said Baker, 36, an analyst in the Department of Housing and Urban Development and a married father of two, noting that he’d already opened several browser tabs with information about governments he might be interested in, including China, Belize, and Madagascar. “It’s pretty discouraging to have to start the government search over again at my age, especially since I’d hoped to make a career working in the United States, but it’s important to remember that there are plenty of other governments out there. Ideally, I’m looking for a federal republic, since that’s where my experience is, but I’d be open to something like Malaysia’s constitutional monarchy or a parliamentary republic like Kyrgyzstan, or even a military dictatorship. And who knows, maybe making a government switch will actually be the best thing for my career.” At press time, Baker was considering defecting with his family across the world after hearing from a fellow furloughed federal employee that the North Korean government might be hiring.
More from The Onion