Gate Attendant Offers Richard Branson Hotel Voucher After Virgin Galactic Flight Fully Booked

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TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, NM—Attempting to placate the visibly livid man, sources confirmed Wednesday that the gate attendant at Spaceport America had offered Richard Branson a hotel voucher after informing him the Virgin Galactic flight was fully booked. “We routinely overbook flights to keep prices low, and hope that you’ll accept this voucher as an apology for the frustrating experience you’ve had today,” said the attendant, using a calm, measured tone to address the billionaire businessman, who had turned a deep shade of red and begun to shake, his jaw dropped in a look of pure indignation as he struggled to process the shocking news that he would not be boarding the space-bound flight. “It’s good for one free night at the Comfort Inn & Suites. We understand you bought a ticket, but unfortunately, you were the last customer to check in. Yes, we realize you’re upset, but this is the best we can do. This is the last flight leaving the stratosphere tonight, so you’re just going to have to wait until morning. We’re sure you’ll find your hotel room quite pleasant. Sir, please do not raise your voice at me.” At press time, security guards were dragging Branson away as he screamed that he would sue the whole company into the ground.