DALLAS — Haunted by questions surrounding his role in one of modern history’s greatest blunders, former President George W. Bush reportedly spent a sleepless night Wednesday wondering if he was to blame for the long-term collapse of the Texas Rangers. “All these years, I told myself I did the right thing with the information I had, but what if the truth is that I’m responsible for all the appalling things the Rangers have had to endure?” said the wide-eyed former president, staring at the ceiling with visible despair as he speculated as to whether the MLB team’s abysmal record in 2021 and the sacrifice of countless stellar young prospects like Leody Taveras could ultimately be traced back to his foolhardy decision to purchase the team in the late 1980s. “We thought we were doing something good back then, and obviously there were years when it seemed like the team was making progress. But now I wonder if it was all a big lie we told ourselves so we didn’t have to confront the incredible amount of harm we were doing. My God, what if reporters start asking questions about my legacy? What the hell am I going to do? ” At press time, Laura Bush had comforted her husband after stressing that no one in the media had the balls to link his tenure to the complete quagmire the franchise would eventually become.
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