Getting To Know The Trump Family

Illustration for article titled Getting To Know The Trump Family

With Donald Trump in the White House, many wonder what the new first family will be like. The Onion introduces you to the members of Trump’s family:


Donald Trump: Prominent New York City landlord

Ivanka Trump: Donald’s eldest daughter is in charge of the day-to-day operations of her father’s companies while he secures long-term revenue streams

Melania Trump: Donald’s third wife, a former model from Slovenia, is credited with opening her husband’s eyes to the beauty of all types of people from across the globe being welcomed into our nation

Donald Trump Jr.: You know, the sweaty one who always looks scared

Barron Trump: The youngest member of the Trump family and likely heir to Donald’s prodigious inferiority complex


Tiffany Trump: Discontinued after poor focus testing

Sunny Trump: The Portuguese water dog is reportedly adjusting to her new owners without incident


Ivana Trump: Though she and Donald divorced in 1992, Ivana has remained loyal and devoted to the terms of their NDA


Eric Trump: See “Donald Trump Jr.”