REDONDO BEACH, CA— Insisting that the rapid-fire series of messages was “completely unprompted,” local man Matisse Issac speculated Thursday that his girlfriend, Rebecca Allen, must have been drinking when she texted him a dimly lit picture of a knitted scarf at midnight. “Jesus Christ, now she’s telling me to come over and knit with her. I have work in the morning,” said Issac, who nervously texted back “nice” in response to the garter-knit scarf in a desperate attempt to buy time to think of a proper response. “I can already see what happened here. She had a glass and a half of wine and just started knitting. She gets a little flirty when she’s drunk, and it’s not like I’m mad or anything, but I really don’t know what to say.” At press time, Ms. Allen had texted her boyfriend a winking face emoji to accompany the message “What are you reading right now?”
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