WHEELING, WV—Saying that he was unable to focus fully on the storyline or hear crucial parts of the dialogue, area man Richard Heller told reporters that his girlfriend talked through a whole goddamn Papa John’s commercial Sunday evening. “As soon as the ad came on, she started yapping about something she was reading online and I totally missed what Peyton [Manning] said to Papa John,” said Heller, explaining that his girlfriend’s careless and persistent interruption of the 30-second spot prevented him from catching the full list of ingredients on the pizza chain’s new Fritos Chili Cheese Pizza. “I know Papa John said something about how it took 30 years for him to put Fritos on a pizza, but I have no idea what happened next. Why can’t she just wait to talk about this stuff during the game?” Heller said he could always rewind the DVR to find out how much the large specialty pizza costs, but that it wouldn’t be the same.
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