Goals Of Biden Administration Reviewing U.S. Supply Chains

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President Biden on Tuesday announced he will sign an executive order calling for a sweeping review of American supply chain infrastructure amid what many say is a growing crisis. The Onion looks at the goals of the Biden administration reviewing U.S. supply chains.

  • Update current supply chains with more modern supply chain problems.
  • Focus on increasing domestic production of four main goods: microprocessing chips, large capacity batteries, pharmaceuticals, and big-budget musicals.
  • Find ways to incentivize American children to rejoin labor force.
  • Look busy.
  • Limit reliance on foreign manufacturers by teaching American consumers how to make own laptops.
  • Convene nation’s top worrywarts to brainstorm list of every possible future national crisis.
  • Stop trading with countries engaging in horrific human rights violations unless they’re really good at making microchips.
  • Outsource supply chain review process to cheaper Taiwanese government agency.