President Biden on Tuesday announced he will sign an executive order calling for a sweeping review of American supply chain infrastructure amid what many say is a growing crisis. The Onion looks at the goals of the Biden administration reviewing U.S. supply chains.
- Update current supply chains with more modern supply chain problems.
- Focus on increasing domestic production of four main goods: microprocessing chips, large capacity batteries, pharmaceuticals, and big-budget musicals.
- Find ways to incentivize American children to rejoin labor force.
- Look busy.
- Limit reliance on foreign manufacturers by teaching American consumers how to make own laptops.
- Convene nation’s top worrywarts to brainstorm list of every possible future national crisis.
- Stop trading with countries engaging in horrific human rights violations unless they’re really good at making microchips.
- Outsource supply chain review process to cheaper Taiwanese government agency.