Illustration for article titled Goals Of The Paris Climate Talks

Over 150 world leaders are meeting in Paris this week to address the global effects of climate change in the hopes that a unified international effort can avert grave future consequences for the planet. Here are the major goals of the Paris climate talks:

  • Pledge to create one new ecosystem for every ecosystem destroyed by climate change
  • Provide aid to help developing island nations transition into fully underwater economies
  • Make shortlist of species actually worth saving at this point
  • Give every world leader nice little non-binding agreement to take back to country as small keepsake
  • Destroy the livelihood of 47-year-old Indiana coal miner and father of four Kevin O’Riley
  • Finalize battle lines for when water wars begin
  • Conceive of, design, and develop reliable, affordable, carbon-neutral source of clean energy capable of powering entire world before conference concludes next Friday
  • Provide political cover for next round of fossil fuel subsidies
  • Settle on scapegoat nation to pin blame on in the event of a worst-case scenario
  • Find most rhetorically effective way to push problem onto next generation
  • Above all to have fun, meet new people, and forge friendships that will last a lifetime
Advertisement

Share This Story

Get our newsletter