The 70th United Nations General Assembly takes place this week, with member countries focusing on plans to address global sustainability, economic growth, and the Syrian refugee crisis, among other major topics. Here are the main goals of this year’s assembly:
- Have everyone go around and say their name and why they want to end global poverty
- Donate millions of sympathetic words to refugee populations fleeing war-torn regions
- Exhaust all 18,528 possible permutations of handshakes between 193 world leaders
- Lock down dates for next year’s General Assembly meeting
- Commit to creation of series of decoy monuments and ruins for ISIS fighters to destroy
- Ensure dependable water pressure for all
- Foster atmosphere of cooperation and respect among nearly 200 member states locked in brutal, zero-sum struggle for world domination
- Empower women and girls to buy into lip service on gender inequality
- Place headphone over one ear; look neutral
- Come to single workable conclusion on anything at all