THE HEAVENS—Saying He had been meaning to get some fresh ink for a while now, God, our Lord and Heavenly Father, reportedly got a Celtic cross tattooed on His back, celestial sources said Thursday. “This design carries a lot of meaning for me, and I’m really glad I could get my upper back tattooed with it,” said the Creator of All Things, adding that the classic depiction of a Christian cross would complement the matching tribal bands He had around His biceps. “Right now, I have to keep it under a bandage so it won’t get infected, but it’s looking really badass. Sure, I had a few drinks in me when I got it done, but all in all, I think it was worth a few hundred bucks.” At press time, the Lord was looking into new designs to cover up an old tattoo of Judas He regretted getting when He was younger.

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