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God Kicking Self For Not Coming Up With Hentai

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THE HEAVENS—The Lord God Almighty, He Who Commanded Light to Shine out of Darkness, told reporters Friday he was still kicking Himself for not coming up with hentai on His own, saying the Japanese form of animated pornography represented everything He had hoped to capture in creation. “In all My divine work, My one true regret remains not devising hentai in the days of Genesis—it is a truly perfect art,” said God, Maker of Heaven and Earth, who admitted that all such manifestations of His will paled in comparison to the ingenuity and wonder on display in combining characters from Japanese animated series like One Piece, Dragon Ball Z, and Neon Genesis Evangelion in wildly varied sexual situations. “What’s incredible to Me is that I came up with the idea for octopus tentacles, I came up with the idea for humanity’s various orifices, and yet I never put the two together! And forget about stuff like futanari and omorashi. I never even thought about that. Some of the Western stuff with Family Guy and The Simpsons characters is cool, too. For those reasons, I really need to praise humans here. And hey, I guess I can take a little bit of the credit given My hand in sculpting man from the dust of the earth and breathing into his nostrils the breath of life.” At press time, the Divine Creator could not be reached for comment as He was too busy scrolling through the vast troves of animated pornography on Hentai-Haven.xxx.