THE HEAVENS—Acknowledging that He had been behaving recklessly that night, God, Our Holy Father, recalled Monday the speedboat accident in 1983 that originally sent Him to heaven. “The last thing I remember was tearing across Lake Winnepesaukah in a Jr. Executive 21 JRV with my buddy Dave and suddenly slamming right into an outcropping of rocks,” said the Almighty, admitting that He was to blame for not wearing a life jacket and having “a few too many wine coolers.” “Well, next thing I know, I’m in eternal paradise, and I’ve been here ever since. It’s pretty cool, and there’s enough stuff going on that I hardly ever think about getting back on a speedboat.” God went on to say that adjusting to heaven had been relatively easy since his good friend Dave had arrived mere seconds after He did.

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