THE HEAVENS—Upon discovering His shining celestial throne had again begun to wobble beneath Him, God the Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, reportedly attempted to level it out Tuesday by shoving another cherub under one of its legs. According to sources, The Lord grabbed one of the angelic beings circling above Him in the firmament by its wing and wedged it beneath His celestial seat’s front right leg, where two cherubim were already serving as shims. Realizing He required still more thickness beneath the leg to keep the throne from rocking back and forth every time He shifted His weight, God reportedly removed the cherub and folded it in half before reinserting it. At press time, reports confirmed the throne was still unsteady, and The Almighty had begun to suspect that it just needed to be placed on a more level cloud.

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