SAN JOSE, CA—Expressing confusion over his seeming inability to garner much sexual interest, the god Zeus, mightiest of all who dwell on Mount Olympus, confided to reporters Friday that despite having taken the form of a beautiful swan, he was finding it very difficult to seduce women. “I kind of just assumed that when I descended from the clouds with this long, graceful neck and these beautiful feathers, mortal women would start throwing themselves at me, but that didn’t happen at all,” said the thunderbolt-wielding lord of the sky, explaining that while he had fluttered and flapped his plumage in an attractive display, dozens of human females had nonetheless passed him by without a second glance, never once removing their clothes or begging to have sex with him. “Hey, ladies, check out my courtship dance—it’s exquisite! I transformed from a Greek god into a majestic swan just for you! Come on, what gives? I oughta be up to my neck in pussy right now. I just don’t get it.” According to reports, Zeus continued his attempts at seduction and was later heard emitting a startled honk when he was mounted by an aggressive Canada goose.