After Google recently cut 12,000 jobs, The Onion asked the former employees what they thought about the tech company’s layoffs.
Google Employees React To Company Layoffs
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James Werner
James Werner
“I’m confident that I’ll be getting laid off somewhere new in no time.”
3 / 19
Maya Patel
Maya Patel
“How the hell do they expect us to survive on the outside? Do they even serve food out there?”
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Harper Cookson
Harper Cookson
“Don’t come crying to me when it’s Sarah Jessica Parker’s birthday and you don’t have a Google doodle.”
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Ron Grady
Ron Grady
“I’ll miss being able to access the internet.”
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Joyce Nguyen
Joyce Nguyen
“There’s really no more prestigious company to get laid off from.”
7 / 19
Samantha Roy
Samantha Roy
“Well, this sucks. I was about to feed an insane man in India a conspiracy theory that would’ve gotten 15 people killed.”
8 / 19
Doug Collins
Doug Collins
“Goddamnit, first I get fired from coaching the ’89 Bulls, and now this?”
9 / 19
Sasha Emerson
Sasha Emerson
“Since I got laid off from Google last week, I’ve already been hired and then laid off by at least a dozen other tech companies.”
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Daniel Staneck
Daniel Staneck
“I’m not surprised. Sundar Pichai had been coming up to my desk and whispering ‘You’re next’ to me and 12,000 other Google employees for weeks.”
11 / 19
Monica Knox
Monica Knox
“They gave me a very generous severance package that includes six months of free image searches.”
12 / 19
Mohit Laiwalla
Mohit Laiwalla
“Silicon Valley can be so unforgiving. One moment you can be an engineer at Google making $200,000 a year, and the next moment, you could be laid off, stuck getting hired at Microsoft, and making $200,000 a year.”
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Michelle Frasier
Michelle Frasier
“Where the hell am I going to find a job as a UX designer now?”
14 / 19
Yam
Yam
“Jokes on them. I’m packed full of nutrients and help with inflammation. Enjoy your early heart problems, you fucking assholes.”
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Uriel Adams
Uriel Adams
“Don’t worry about me, I got rid of my emotions to work in big tech long ago.”
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Randall McCreedy
Randall McCreedy
“I like computer, but...computer don’t like me? I find new computer to like, and then no more sad, only computer.”
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Terance Clarkson
Terance Clarkson
“You’d think I’d be upset, but I’ve already seen the Google doodle they made of me weeping as I packed up my stuff and they knocked it out of the park.”
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You’ve Made It This Far...
You’ve Made It This Far...
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