OAK PARK, IL—Upon receiving information that dispelled his previously held notion that the woman was just “a real jet-setter,” local man Josh Novak was reportedly surprised to learn Friday that his grandmother didn’t exactly live in six countries because she loved to travel. “I always thought travel was Grandma’s passion, but it turns out she’s mostly worldly against her will,” said Novak, who was taken aback to discover his grandmother had not, in fact, been sightseeing after the war. “I was hoping she’d have some sweet stories about Austria, but they were actually kind of a bummer. She didn’t even take any photos. It’s like she was always too distracted by just trying to get the hell out of wherever she was.” At press time, sources reported Novak was attempting to convince his grandmother to try on her old SS uniform.
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