Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

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VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately. “I realize she hasn’t been fit and healthy in quite some time, but man oh man, Grandma’s looking plain old rough these days,” said Delahunt’s granddaughter Michelle, adding that her grandmother seemed to have “really been put through the wringer” since they visited her over Christmas. “I don’t know what happened to her these past few months, but this woman has taken a beating. Jesus Christ, tell me this is as bad as it’s gonna get. I don’t even know how it gets any worse.” Family sources later confirmed that Grandpa looked pretty good.