MISSOULA, MT—Recalling that as a young woman she had quite the reputation for guzzling huge loads, local grandmother Edith Mooney claimed Monday that she was quite the cum dumpster back in the day. “You know, I may not look it now, but back in my prime, I was an absolute gutter slut,” said Mooney, smiling fondly as she told her grandchildren about a time at a sock hop when a group of cute boys from a neighboring town gangbanged her in the maintenance closet. “Before I met your grandfather, I was so popular with the guys in my school that they would pass me around like a raggedy little fuck puppet. I couldn’t go to the soda jerk without getting deep-dicked and filled to the brim with piping hot jizz. For a while, I even had two handsome young fellows pounding my hole at the same time.” At press time, Mooney had reportedly retrieved an old, faded photograph of her taking it from both ends to show her grandchildren.