JERSEY CITY, NJ—In the tragic wake of her unexpected passing, sources confirmed Monday that a grandmother’s sudden death forced local parents Wilson and Patricia LaRusso to explain to their children what happens when you snitch. “Well, buddy, Gran-Gran was a rat—do you know what that is?” Wilson LaRusso said as he and Patricia spoke gently to their children about how it was perfectly natural for a loved one who squealed to the police to end up “swimming with the fishes.” “No, honey, we unfortunately can’t talk to Gran-Gran again because she got her tongue cut out before they shot her full of holes. It’s just a part of life. You grow, you get old, and sometimes you get got. It’s definitely sad to think that someone you loved so much was a dirty blabbermouth. But she crossed the family and got whacked.” At press time, Wilson and Patricia warned their children that they had better not be wearing a wire.
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