Great Britain Returns Looted Stonehenge Back To India

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LONDON—In its most significant acknowledgement yet of the British Empire’s well-documented appropriation of cultural relics, sources reported Tuesday that Great Britain returned the looted Stonehenge monument back to India. “This ancient relic of Indian culture was wrongfully dismantled, placed upon ships by the British East India Company, and carted away to England more than 250 years ago, but today we are happy to return it to its rightful home,” said member of Parliament James Redmondberry, who, after observing it was far past time for his nation to have returned the iconic megaliths, confirmed that 52 standing stones weighing an average of 25 tons each were being airlifted from Salisbury Plain to Chennai, where they originally stood. “Stonehenge belongs with the Tamil-speaking druids who erected it as a burial site in 3,100 B.C., long before we British began colonizing the subcontinent. We hope its return will serve as both an acknowledgement of the damage our nation has caused to India and a gesture of friendship between our peoples.” At press time, Great Britain had reportedly agreed to return Big Ben, London Bridge, the River Thames, and Scotland back to India as well.