‘Time For Work,’ Says German Chancellor

ATHENS, GREECE—Following a sudden high-pitched squeal of audio feedback, the 11 million citizens of Greece were reportedly woken up at 6 a.m. Wednesday by German chancellor Angela Merkel informing them over loudspeakers that it was time for work. “Rise and shine, Greece! Time to get out of bed and head out to your jobs!” said Merkel, bidding the indebted nation a productive day as she has done every morning since bailout loans to Greece began six years ago. “Work is good for your country and good for the eurozone! You have 30 minutes to get ready!” According to sources, Merkel’s voice then cut out, only to return later that evening for Greece’s 10 p.m. lights-out warning.

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