TOPEKA, KS—Gathering to commemorate the loss of the family matriarch, relatives of local deceased woman Barbara King, 87, reportedly came to terms with their grandmother’s death Monday by accepting the fact that she totally sucked. “Sharing photos and stories about Grandma Babs has been an important part of the grieving process, as it reminded us all how truly fucking awful she was,” said King’s granddaughter Carolyn Strause, 23, who recalled a handful of her own poignant memories in which her only living grandparent joyfully spent one-on-one time with her criticizing her weight, romantic partners, and other life choices. “This is how we can honor her legacy of being a raging bitch, and remember her in the way she deserves to be remembered, as the worst goddamn person who ever lived. She managed to raise four kids alone, after all, and not a single one of them had something nice to say about her. I actually teared up during the eulogy once I realized I would never hear her scratchy, bitter voice again. Thank God.” At press time, Strause was seen sobbing over missing her chance to tell her grandmother to fuck off.
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