With the internet becoming more central to people’s personal and professional lives, it’s more important than ever for individuals to build a “personal brand” that markets themselves to the online community. Here are some tips for cultivating a personal brand:

  • Create a professional website to show off the work that has failed to get you hired
  • Build a fan base by loudly inserting yourself in the public sphere
  • Ask yourself what really makes you you. Is it your desperate need for validation? Or your complete lack of shame when it comes to self-promotion?
  • Do everything you can to hide that op-ed you wrote for your college newspaper
  • Sign up for a Google Plus account to experiment with social media strategies before trying them out on users
  • People love raw, unfiltered personalities, so try to meticulously cultivate the impression that you have one of those
  • Get out in front of this whole “sex lair” thing
  • Remember that the internet is a meritocracy where the best, most innovative ideas win, so try to be as physically attractive as possible
  • Patiently build your personal brand brick by brick with engaging posts and thoughtful content that is meaningful to your audience. If that fails, start insulting celebrities on Twitter.