Gun Laws In Every State

Alabama

Guns may be legally wed after 16 years of ownership.

Alaska

Salmon convicted of felonies may not purchase a firearm.

Arizona

Guns must be securely buried in the desert at least 20 miles from home.

Arkansas

Mandatory background checks on anyone who doesn’t own a gun.

California

Law requires every gun owner to first pass an IMDB background check.

Colorado

Legal to grow up to 10 guns in your backyard.

Connecticut

High capacity magazines are banned for their garish tackiness.

Delaware

Arsenals may be anonymously stashed in LLCs.

Florida

Law requires all firearms to be stored securely above the refrigerator or in the car’s glove compartment.

Georgia

Residents are allowed to apply for a license within 24 hours after they have been challenged to a duel for their daughter’s honor.

Hawaii

Mark Zuckerberg’s security team has first pick of all guns.

Idaho

State sort of looks like a gun, and that’s the law.

Illinois

Requires Indiana residents to abide by 48-hour waiting period before smuggling guns into state.

Indiana

State gun shows enforce a strict ban on cutting in line to purchase a weapon.

Iowa

All guns must be won at state fair ring toss booth.

Kansas

Now why would a real American need to buy a gun when they should already have one?

Kentucky

All gun show buyers must undergo a 30-minute story from seller about time his brother-in-law used one of these babies to shoot a squirrel right out a tree.

Louisiana

Forty-eight-hour waiting period on media mentioning any shooting victims.

Maine

Old mariners required to bind their most beloved gun to ship’s mast to prevent it from washing overboard during great tempest.

Maryland

Maryland has some of the strongest gun laws in the country, making firearm trafficking very lucrative.

Massachusetts

Guns illegal unless a Kennedy needs to get rid of a problem, quick.

Michigan

Firearm purchases require proof of membership in a white supremacist group.

Minnesota

Guns only permitted during summer months when it’s nice enough to really enjoy them.

Mississippi

Everyone in this state is already dead from gunshot wounds.

Missouri

Mandatory self-inflicted wound while cleaning gun by age 21.

Montana

Anyone murdered by guns in national parks must be dragged out by shooter to preserve their pristine beauty.

Nebraska

Breastfeeding guns in public is legal, but the social stigma remains.

Nevada

Entire state legally considered gun range.

New Hampshire

Shooting deaths are banned in fall so as to not obscure the view of the foliage.

New Jersey

Why do you want to know New Jersey’s gun laws so bad? Huh? Holy shit. Are you wearing a wire?

New Mexico

Stand Your Ground law allows gun owners to legally defend themselves in attempted alien abductions.

New York

Tourists are warned that firearms sold by street vendors are most likely fake.

North Carolina

Domestic abusers required to count to 10 after a conviction before they’re allowed to have their gun back.

North Dakota

Wildlife permitted to use guns as a means of keeping human population at a manageable level.

Ohio

Laws don’t apply in the abandoned factories.

Oklahoma

Most guns free if buyers can prove intent to hunt down pregnant women.

Oregon

The state has become a destination for terminal patients after legalizing physician-assisted gun deaths.

Pennsylvania

Guns are strictly limited to championship celebrations.

Rhode Island

No room for anything bigger than a pistol.

South Carolina

Gun show vendors must urge minors to not go and do anything foolish before selling them firearm.

South Dakota

Just grab whatever from the bin.

Tennessee

Citizens do not need a license to open carry as Tennessee is technically still fighting the Civil War.

Texas

The only law out in these parts is shoot first.

Utah

Gun owners allowed to defend selves in presence of dancing.

Vermont

Guns only available by special permit for tracking and apprehending foliage poachers.

Virginia

Must register all Muskets, Shot, and related Accouterments with the Court of King George.

Washington

Ghost guns must be installed with the latest software update.

West Virginia

Just try not to get too drunk before blasting shit.

Wisconsin

Guns in the home must be kept out of reach of children considered parents’ favorite.

Wyoming

Lenient gun laws presume you’ll just be shooting yourself.