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Alabama

Guns may be legally wed after 16 years of ownership.
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Alaska

Salmon convicted of felonies may not purchase a firearm.
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Arizona

Guns must be securely buried in the desert at least 20 miles from home.
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Arkansas

Mandatory background checks on anyone who doesn’t own a gun.
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California

Law requires every gun owner to first pass an IMDB background check.
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Colorado

Legal to grow up to 10 guns in your backyard.
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Connecticut

High capacity magazines are banned for their garish tackiness.
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Delaware

Arsenals may be anonymously stashed in LLCs.
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Florida

Law requires all firearms to be stored securely above the refrigerator or in the car’s glove compartment.
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Georgia

Residents are allowed to apply for a license within 24 hours after they have been challenged to a duel for their daughter’s honor.
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Hawaii

Mark Zuckerberg’s security team has first pick of all guns.
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Idaho

State sort of looks like a gun, and that’s the law.
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Illinois

Requires Indiana residents to abide by 48-hour waiting period before smuggling guns into state.
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Indiana

State gun shows enforce a strict ban on cutting in line to purchase a weapon.
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Iowa

All guns must be won at state fair ring toss booth.
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Kansas

Now why would a real American need to buy a gun when they should already have one?
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Kentucky

All gun show buyers must undergo a 30-minute story from seller about time his brother-in-law used one of these babies to shoot a squirrel right out a tree.
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Louisiana

Forty-eight-hour waiting period on media mentioning any shooting victims.
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Maine

Old mariners required to bind their most beloved gun to ship’s mast to prevent it from washing overboard during great tempest.
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Maryland

Maryland has some of the strongest gun laws in the country, making firearm trafficking very lucrative.
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Massachusetts

Guns illegal unless a Kennedy needs to get rid of a problem, quick.
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Michigan

Firearm purchases require proof of membership in a white supremacist group.
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Minnesota

Guns only permitted during summer months when it’s nice enough to really enjoy them.
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Mississippi

Everyone in this state is already dead from gunshot wounds.
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Missouri

Mandatory self-inflicted wound while cleaning gun by age 21.
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Montana

Anyone murdered by guns in national parks must be dragged out by shooter to preserve their pristine beauty.
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Nebraska

Breastfeeding guns in public is legal, but the social stigma remains.
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Nevada

Entire state legally considered gun range.
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New Hampshire

Shooting deaths are banned in fall so as to not obscure the view of the foliage.
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New Jersey

Why do you want to know New Jersey’s gun laws so bad? Huh? Holy shit. Are you wearing a wire?
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New Mexico

Stand Your Ground law allows gun owners to legally defend themselves in attempted alien abductions.
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New York

Tourists are warned that firearms sold by street vendors are most likely fake.
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North Carolina

Domestic abusers required to count to 10 after a conviction before they’re allowed to have their gun back.
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North Dakota

Wildlife permitted to use guns as a means of keeping human population at a manageable level.
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Ohio

Laws don’t apply in the abandoned factories.
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Oklahoma

Most guns free if buyers can prove intent to hunt down pregnant women.
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Oregon

The state has become a destination for terminal patients after legalizing physician-assisted gun deaths.
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Pennsylvania

Guns are strictly limited to championship celebrations.
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Rhode Island

No room for anything bigger than a pistol.
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South Carolina

Gun show vendors must urge minors to not go and do anything foolish before selling them firearm.
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South Dakota

Just grab whatever from the bin.
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Tennessee

Citizens do not need a license to open carry as Tennessee is technically still fighting the Civil War.
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Texas

The only law out in these parts is shoot first.
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Utah

Gun owners allowed to defend selves in presence of dancing.
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Vermont

Guns only available by special permit for tracking and apprehending foliage poachers.
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Virginia

Must register all Muskets, Shot, and related Accouterments with the Court of King George.
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Washington

Ghost guns must be installed with the latest software update.
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West Virginia

Just try not to get too drunk before blasting shit.
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Wisconsin

Guns in the home must be kept out of reach of children considered parents’ favorite.
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Wyoming

Lenient gun laws presume you’ll just be shooting yourself.
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