‘Half Life 3’ Announcement? Al-Qaeda Says They Have Something Big Planned That Will Change The World Forever

Illustration for article titled ‘Half Life 3’ Announcement? Al-Qaeda Says They Have Something Big Planned That Will Change The World Forever

Well, this is the sort of news we love to hear! It’s been years since we heard a peep out of Valve about the elusive final installment in the Half Life trilogy but, in a recent announcement, the militant Islamist group al-Qaeda just claimed they are planning “something big that will change the world forever,” and you know that can only mean one thing.


Gamers, we don’t want to jump to conclusions here, but the long-awaited end to Gordon Freeman’s epic sci-fi journey might finally be here!

The video statement—released Thursday morning by al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri—has all the markings of a major reveal about a next-gen Half Life 3. We’re especially interested in Zawahiri’s tease about an event that will “shake the foundations” of the world. What could this mean except a direct continuation of Gordon and Alyx Vance’s plan to take the fight to the Combine? God, we’re drooling just imagining the long-rumored Borealis ship decked out in ray-tracing and running in stunning 4K!

What’s even more fascinating is that Zawahiri repeatedly says this so-called major event will strike at the heart of the west. Well, picking up the Gravity Gun and playing catch with android companion Dog one last time would certainly tug at our heart strings! Also, note that the group specifically mentions the “western world,” which allows us to rule out this being, say, a new Tales Of or Yakuza game. The terrorist network also stressed that this announcement had been planned for many years, which perfectly aligns with the 13-year timeline that’s passed since the cliff-hanger ending of Half Life: Episode Two.

Of course, ever since the video’s release, we’ve been parsing it for any other Easter eggs that could help us learn more about the the next title in this beloved series. Could the video’s nondescript cave background actually be a reference to the Vortigaunt homeworld? Is the close-up framing of Zawahiri’s face paying homage to the G-Man’s iconic monologue in the City 17 subway sequence? Does the repeated assurance that this announcement will “strike fear into infidels everywhere” mean we might even be returning to a redesigned version of the still-terrifying Ravenholm level?

Lastly, what should we make of the call for the death of French president Emmanuel Macron? Readers, we just thought of this: Could we actually be spending Half Life 3 battling headcrabs and antlions in the streets of Paris?

Admittedly, we were incredibly surprised to get this announcement at all, let alone from al-Qaeda’s Egyptian division. But it makes sense if you remember that this is the same group responsible for the legendary June 2001 leak in which Osama bin Laden teased something huge planned in the coming months just before the release of the Half Life: Blue Shift expansion pack. So stay tuned, gamers! This is sure to be an exciting year and we can’t thank al-Qaeda enough for giving us this amazing news.