MANCHESTER, NH—Declaring that the event wasn’t really what they were hoping for, hardcore Donald Trump fans who attended a rally Friday to hear his classic border wall rants told reporters they were frustrated by the boring new Covid-19 stuff. “I appreciate that the president wants to try out some new coronavirus material, but I’m really here for the anti-immigrant hits,” said longtime Trump supporter Jerry DiLullio, echoing concerns of hundreds across the crowd that although the president’s lengthy diatribes against the World Health Organization and China had their moments, they didn’t capture the magic of his beloved tirades against the invasion of migrant gangs from Mexico and deep state plots to undermine his presidency. “I figured he’d get the new stuff out of the way up top and then switch to his older ‘shithole countries’-era material, but we’re an hour in and he’s still just kind of noodling around with that recent Dr. Fauci stuff. Honestly, it’s getting kind of repetitive, and his crowd work isn’t quite as entertaining as it was—man, remember that rally where he made fun of that disabled reporter? That was amazing. And there’s just nothing as catchy to chant as ‘Lock Her Up’—hopefully he’s saving that for the finale.” The Trump fans suggested that maybe his lackluster material was the result of so many advisors leaving the administration over creative differences.
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