Health Officials Warn Holiday Travel Could Cause Spike In Millions Of Americans Falling For Old Hometown Flame

Illustration for article titled Health Officials Warn Holiday Travel Could Cause Spike In Millions Of Americans Falling For Old Hometown Flame

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing what a huge risk it was to the nation’s already-damaged emotional health, officials warned Wednesday that holiday travel could cause a spike in millions of Americans falling for their old hometown flame. “To anyone thinking of flying or driving home this Thanksgiving, please, consider how easy it could be to run into your old high school sweetheart, make eye contact from across a bar, and instantly fall back in love,” said CDC spokesperson Brian Nadler, adding that although domestic travel might seem safe, spending a whirlwind 24 hours with an old torch, driving his car to the place where you had your first kiss, and rekindling lost, passionate memories of youth could destroy your lives. “While we understand the urge to travel during the holidays, waking up in his bed after a one-night stand and discovering that he just got engaged to another woman in your hometown isn’t worth it. The truth is, even limited exposure to former flames is dangerous and could leave you in tears, wallowing in self pity with severe heartbreak.” At press time, Nadler added that if people had to travel, they should wear a mask to keep former lovers from recognizing them and quarantine for at least 14 days after catching feelings.

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