Helpful Speechwriter Lets Audience Know He’s Talking About ‘These United States’

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WASHINGTON—In an effort to avoid any unnecessary ambiguity, speechwriter James Kessler helpfully let audiences know that he was talking about “these United States,” sources confirmed Wednesday. “I should probably clarify which particular group of united states we’re talking about here,” said Kessler, making a note on his manuscript that the orator should emphasize the word “these” as well as gesturing around him to indicate the United States he was currently standing in. “Even if the crowd isn’t fully getting it at this point, hopefully they’ll be able to use context clues like the phrases ‘our nation,’ ‘this country,’ and ‘the good old U. S. of A’ to figure out what we’re talking about.” At press time, a satisfied Kessler had added the epithet “The Beautiful” after each reference to “America” to ensure the reference would really land.