WESTFORD, MA—Noting that he had been letting his ideas percolate for the past few years, local man August Morris wrote Tuesday on Instagram, “Hey, I know I haven’t posted any new music in a while,” in what was said to be the most humiliating social media post of the 37-year-old’s life. “Definitely been a minute, but I’m back with some new tracks—please check them out if you’ve got time,” read the post, which was reportedly the pinnacle of 20 years’ worth of absolutely heartbreaking dispatches via Twitter, Facebook, and the once-popular Myspace, platforms used by the junior sales associate and amateur musician to plug his overwhelmingly ignored passion projects. “This EP’s kind of a new direction for me, but I’m really proud of how it turned out. The first single’s called ‘Blue Forest.’ Anyway, enjoy!” At press time, Morris’ Instagram post had received three likes and one comment from a pornographic spam account.
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