Hidden Valley Unveils 2-Carat Lab-Grown Diamond Made From Ranch Seasoning

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Salad dressing maker Hidden Valley had a lab-grown two-carat diamond made out of ranch seasoning to celebrate National Ranch Day, with the seasoning heated to 2,500 degrees celsius and crushed under 400 tons of pressure to create the stone, which will be auctioned off. What do you think?

“We’ll see how it performs in a blind taste test with De Beers.”

Holly Jedeed, Stunt Walker

“Call me when they make a salad dressing out of diamonds.”

Marc Windsor, Unemployed


“Good thing I’m used to spending three months’ salary on ranch.”

Daniel Strauss, Funeral Clown