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Higher Prices May Force Americans To Eat Reasonable Portions On Thanksgiving

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WASHINGTON—Noting that nearly every ingredient would be more expensive than usual, researchers at the U.S. Bureau of Economic Analysis warned Monday that higher prices could force Americans to eat reasonable portions on Thanksgiving. “Unfortunately, due to current supply chain issues and labor shortages, Americans may be forced to cut back this year, and shove a slightly less disgusting amount of turkey, mashed potatoes, and gravy down their gullets,” said economist Dr. Daniel Summers, adding that rising food costs could force people across the nation to develop some temporary self restraint, instead of slopping down several plates of meat, fat, and starch in a single night. “While we had hoped the recent economic inflation would have cooled by now, there is a distinct possibility that Americans will no longer be able to go back for thirds or fourths, nor will they be able end the night by eating so much pumpkin pie that they vomit. Hopefully, by the time Christmas comes around, Americans will finally be able to gorge themselves appropriately, and end the night so full they fall asleep face down on their dinner plate.” Dr. Summers also warned that rising prices and turkey shortages could limit Americans after Thanksgiving as well, forcing them to eat less than their usual 2,000-calorie leftover turkey sandwiches for lunch.