Highlights From Pope Francis’ Trip To Brazil

Illustration for article titled Highlights From Pope Francis’ Trip To Brazil
  • Blesses each colored tile of the Escadaria Selaron
  • Attempts to say something nice about the abject poverty
  • Walks through streets of Rio shaking hands with citizens and whispering in each person’s ear, “I am the pope”
  • Slyly works “Ordem e Progresso” reference into a story about Jesus
  • Repeatedly dabs sweat from his brow and tugs at clerical collar while hearing steamiest confessions of his life
  • Eats a parrot
  • Visits Rio de Janeiro slum where Mother Mary miraculously appeared and robbed a guy at gunpoint in 1992
  • Breaks from prepared remarks to just riff on religion for a few minutes
  • Blesses carjacking
  • Plays a pickup game of soccer with local youths, errantly passes the ball backward into his own net, and is shot four times after the game
Advertisement

Share This Story

Get our newsletter