Highlights From Pope Francis’ Trip To Brazil
- Blesses each colored tile of the Escadaria Selaron
- Attempts to say something nice about the abject poverty
- Walks through streets of Rio shaking hands with citizens and whispering in each person’s ear, “I am the pope”
- Slyly works “Ordem e Progresso” reference into a story about Jesus
- Repeatedly dabs sweat from his brow and tugs at clerical collar while hearing steamiest confessions of his life
- Eats a parrot
- Visits Rio de Janeiro slum where Mother Mary miraculously appeared and robbed a guy at gunpoint in 1992
- Breaks from prepared remarks to just riff on religion for a few minutes
- Blesses carjacking
- Plays a pickup game of soccer with local youths, errantly passes the ball backward into his own net, and is shot four times after the game
