America's Finest News Source.
We may earn a commission from links on this page.
America's Finest News Source.

Highlights From Pope Francis’ Trip To Brazil

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled Highlights From Pope Francis’ Trip To Brazil
  • Blesses each colored tile of the Escadaria Selaron
  • Attempts to say something nice about the abject poverty
  • Walks through streets of Rio shaking hands with citizens and whispering in each person’s ear, “I am the pope”
  • Slyly works “Ordem e Progresso” reference into a story about Jesus
  • Repeatedly dabs sweat from his brow and tugs at clerical collar while hearing steamiest confessions of his life
  • Eats a parrot
  • Visits Rio de Janeiro slum where Mother Mary miraculously appeared and robbed a guy at gunpoint in 1992
  • Breaks from prepared remarks to just riff on religion for a few minutes
  • Blesses carjacking
  • Plays a pickup game of soccer with local youths, errantly passes the ball backward into his own net, and is shot four times after the game