Highlights Of Biden’s State Of The Union Address

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President Joe Biden delivered his second State of the Union address to the nation last night. The Onion looks at the highlights of the president’s speech.

  • Raised interest rates 0.25% in response to boos
  • Made repeated, unexplained references to something called “pickle barrel diplomacy”
  • Remained alive throughout
  • Threw in a few references from 45 years ago to keep Dianne Feinstein engaged
  • Gently asked how folks would feel if deadliest Covid strain yet was about to be unleashed
  • Tried fentanyl to see what all the fuss was about
  • Light crowd work asking how many victims in the audience tonight
  • The largest teleprompter font in U.S. history
  • Surprisingly well-done rap in effort to relate to younger Congress members
  • Inspired bipartisan hope with speech on America’s unparalleled ability to fail upwards