Highlights Of George Clooney’s Wedding

Illustration for article titled Highlights Of George Clooney’s Wedding

Last weekend saw the marriage of superstar actor and perennial candidate for Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor George Clooney to human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin in a lavish, star-studded affair in Venice. Here are the highlights of the event:

  • Last minute double-booking at the Peabody, MA Doubletree forced couple to scramble and find backup venue in Venice, Italy
  • 3.2 million displaced Darfur refugees sat on the groom’s side
  • Your annual salary’s worth of candles
  • Guests hog-tied for entirety of ceremony to prevent unauthorized photos from being taken
  • Three Kings-themed cake topper
  • Lot of cocky fucking smiles
  • Each guest received a copy of Clooney’s room key
  • Make-your-own-nachos bar
  • 60 gift-bag copies of The Men Who Stare At Goats discreetly discarded
  • Fiesta three-piece baking bowl set still available on couple’s Macy’s registry