Last weekend saw the marriage of superstar actor and perennial candidate for Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor George Clooney to human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin in a lavish, star-studded affair in Venice. Here are the highlights of the event:

  • Last minute double-booking at the Peabody, MA Doubletree forced couple to scramble and find backup venue in Venice, Italy
  • 3.2 million displaced Darfur refugees sat on the groom’s side
  • Your annual salary’s worth of candles
  • Guests hog-tied for entirety of ceremony to prevent unauthorized photos from being taken
  • Three Kings-themed cake topper
  • Lot of cocky fucking smiles
  • Each guest received a copy of Clooney’s room key
  • Make-your-own-nachos bar
  • 60 gift-bag copies of The Men Who Stare At Goats discreetly discarded
  • Fiesta three-piece baking bowl set still available on couple’s Macy’s registry

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