On Wednesday, the Federal Trade Commission and 48 state attorneys general filed a massive antitrust lawsuit against Facebook. The Onion looks at some allegations, demands, and other highlights from the lawsuit.
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- Argues all social media companies deserve fair and equal shot at dismantling democracy.
- Floats requiring Facebook to notify state officials of any future acquisitions over $10 million so they have enough time to buy stock.
- Invitation to like official “48 U.S. Attorneys General Suing Facebook” page.
- Admonishes Mark Zuckerberg for repeatedly interrupting hearing with bids to purchase the FTC.
- Promises to drop lawsuit immediately if Facebook just turns Instagram’s algorithm back to showing photos chronologically
- Notes Facebook’s lead counsel is credited with co-writing the Patriot Act, in case you’re wondering who to root for.
- Condemns Facebook’s monopolistic behavior like buying Instagram with FTC approval.
- Alleges harm to thousands of developers who didn’t have fighting chance of starting own unaccountable panopticons.
- Acknowledgment that this lawsuit about six years too late.