Illustration for article titled Historians Reveal Multiple Cradles Of Civilization Each Independently Developed Chicken Tender Basket

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Providing insights into the emerging agricultural and nutritional practices of early human society, historians at Harvard University presented evidence Wednesday revealing that multiple centers of civilization developed chicken tender baskets independently of one another. “Although we once believed these breaded cutlets had a single location of origin, archaeological data collected from as far back as 4,000 B.C.E. at sites from Mesopotamia to the Valley of the Indus River indicates that humans everywhere determined that the best way to harness their potential for growth as a society was to deep-fry strips of poultry,” said lead researcher Dr. David Epstein, adding that the discovery of ceramic shards from Bronze Age chicken baskets throughout the Fertile Crescent suggests that desire for the staple food was likely the driving force behind advancements in irrigation systems along the Tigris and Euphrates rivers. “Pieces of pottery of similar age but from much smaller containers have been unearthed in China, indicating their tenders were dipped in soy sauce, perhaps even honey mustard, but there was simply no way that contact was made between these people to trade these sauces. The conclusion is clear: As humans began organizing society, they all somehow, in isolation, settled on the importance of six pieces of crispy chicken tenders, paired with fries or chips, placed on red-and-white checkered paper, and served in a shallow, ovalized basketlike container.” The study also notes the discovery of hieroglyphs depicting chicken containers of various sizes and depths strongly implies that all early human civilizations eventually experimented with the option to upgrade to a 12-piece “bucket.”

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