Horoscope for the week of April 24, 2002

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Taurus | April 20 to May 20

The philosophical revelation that a container cannot contain itself will inspire you to develop a revolutionary new type of container.

Aries | March 21 to April 19

You foolishly disregard the old saying about buying pigs in pokes, explaining that the pokes were cunningly disguised as blankets.

Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Your plan to have children by the time you are 35 will go awry when you're shown a cute picture of a Weimaraner puppy in a bucket.


Cancer | June 21 to July 22

The stars are sorry, but writing the poems of Theodore Roethke on lamp shades doesn't make you an artist.

Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

Doctors will cite your habits of smoking, drinking, and eating fatty foods as the primary source of your happiness.


Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

You will soon have reason to question the moral, ethical, and intellectual motivations behind your choice of long-distance carriers.

Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

Love, adventure, and laughs will not come to you, but they will come soon to a theater near you.


Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

America will one day view sexuality in a healthy way, but until then, there are those Chippendale dancers.

Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

Your efforts to come to an understanding of the world will result in your creating a polytheistic religion based on the worship of megaliths.


Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Marshall McLuhan once said schizophrenia may be a consequence of literacy. Avoid this by sticking strictly to watching TV.

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Your theory that language is instinctive rather than a learned behavior would be more interesting if you communicated in anything but grunts.


Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

You don't claim to know everything, but you're pretty sure that the illustrations in Gray's Anatomy shouldn't make you hungry.