Aries | March 21 to April 19

At long last, you finally achieve total domination of the woodwind section of the Berlin Philharmonic.

Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Don't worry: There's nothing wrong with your outlook, career plans or enormous set of antlers.

Gemini | May 21 to June 20

All your deepest hopes and dreams will finally come true this week for someone other than yourself.

Cancer | June 21 to July 22

Long airplane, car or boat trips may signal travel for adventurous Cancer this week.

Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

This would be a bad time to discontinue your practice of firing several warning shots through every closed door you encounter.


Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

This is your time: Stop even pretending to be the selfless, giving person everyone knows you’re not.

Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

Fortune passes everywhere this week. However, it passes you so quickly that you may be badly hurt.

Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

It would be best if you didn't leave the house this week. Candice Bergen is still out there, and she has a long, long memory.


Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

The stars have seen you gazing up at them, and they now answer your unspoken question: Yes, they are real.

Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Contrary to the predictions of several experts, you will actually find it rather simple to breed in captivity.

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Take time out to consider your own mortality this week, but be sure to do it before your Friday-morning train ride.


Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

This is an illusion. Make good use of your time, Buddy Boy.