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Horoscope for the week of October 2, 2002

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Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

This week will be unlike any you've ever experienced, but that has a lot less to do with you than it does the flaws in the space-time continuum.

Aries | March 21 to April 19

Somehow, it's even more insulting that the circus to which you've been sold is huge in Finland.

Taurus | April 20 to May 20

You'll go crazy if you can't remember the other good song by Question Mark & The Mysterians. Which is too bad, because Taurus isn't going to help you.


Gemini | May 21 to June 20

You realize that it's pointless to worry about dying before your time. You've been way ahead of schedule for years now.

Cancer | June 21 to July 22

Not that anyone asked them, but the stars believe that a pair of squabbling adult stepsisters sharing an apartment is a great idea for a sitcom.


Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

You have very little say in your fate or what will eventually befall you, but don't let that keep you from voting.

Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

Just so you know, fate doesn't necessarily have something special in store for you just because nothing particularly notable has happened to you yet.


Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

You deserve to burn to death screaming in front of a national TV audience. If it's any consolation, it would have happened whether you'd deserved it or not.

Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

Charles Durning will soon contact you to reiterate that he has no intention of ever working with you.


Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

It will be too late by the time you read this, but you became severely allergic to shellfish somewhere along the way.

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

You've always believed that anyone can be forgiven, but you'll find it hard to apply to the busload of sailors currently going down on your mom.


Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

Time was, if a mysterious fungus started to overgrow your house, you'd have done something. But you've learned a lot about yourself this past year.