DENVER—Realizing with horror that they had forgotten to do a final sweep of the neonatal intensive care unit, nurses at Saint Joseph Hospital were reportedly mortified to discover a 40-pound baby Monday after accidentally leaving it in an incubator over the weekend. “Oh, God, it totally slipped my mind that we were supposed to take this newborn out Friday afternoon,” said registered nurse Rachel Viars, who added that she was absolutely kicking herself after walking in and seeing the over-incubated infant, which had puffed up so much that its body squished up against the device’s glass walls. “Maybe there’s a way we can pass this off as a regular baby? Ugh, there’s no way. It’s way too huge to even fit in a cradle at this point.” At press time, Viars reportedly sighed, threw away the infant in the hazardous material bin, and asked the mother to just start over.

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