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House Cat Announces Plans To Just Sit There For 46 Minutes

Illustration for article titled House Cat Announces Plans To Just Sit There For 46 Minutes

PARSIPPANY, NJ—Addressing reporters from the living room floor Wednesday, local house cat Tabitha announced her plans to sit completely motionless in the same spot for the next 46 minutes. “After carefully considering my options, I have decided to sit down right here and not move for the next three quarters of an hour,” the American Shorthair informed reporters, adding that she intended to stare directly forward for the majority of the period. “Of course, I’m not ruling out any potential minor adjustments to this plan. I might, for instance, momentarily break from this position to stretch, roll onto my side, lick myself, or crane my neck into the path of a sunbeam, after which I will promptly return to my current arrangement. One thing is certain, however: Precisely 46 minutes from now, apropos of absolutely nothing, I will leap from my seated position and bolt out of the room, as if responding to an urgent matter that needs my attention. That I can assure you.” At press time, Tabitha was forced to radically alter her agenda and make an immediate exit when her owner entered the living room and attempted to show affection toward her.


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