Illustration for article titled How Clinical Trials Work

Prescription medications undergo rigorous rounds of testing and approval before hitting the consumer market. The Onion breaks down the steps involved in this process:


STEP 1

Cage full of mice killed


STEP 2

Human test subjects selected from representative group of subway passengers looking to make $250

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STEP 3

Clipboard time, baby!


STEP 4

Lucky bastard manages to reap psychological benefit from sugar pill


STEP 5

Research destroyed when trysting young lab assistants knock over entire tray of blood samples


STEP 6

7-milligram group starts to act pretty weird


STEP 7

Third phase of trial expands testing outward from group of 100 healthy adults to water supply of Topeka, KS

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STEP 8

Voice actor splinters under pressure of cramming 17 side effects into final six seconds of radio ad

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STEP 9

Trials taken back to the drawing board after medication’s profitability remains inconclusive

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