Prescription medications undergo rigorous rounds of testing and approval before hitting the consumer market. The Onion breaks down the steps involved in this process:


STEP 1

Cage full of mice killed


STEP 2

Human test subjects selected from representative group of subway passengers looking to make $250

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STEP 3

Clipboard time, baby!


STEP 4

Lucky bastard manages to reap psychological benefit from sugar pill


STEP 5

Research destroyed when trysting young lab assistants knock over entire tray of blood samples

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STEP 6

7-milligram group starts to act pretty weird


STEP 7

Third phase of trial expands testing outward from group of 100 healthy adults to water supply of Topeka, KS

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STEP 8

Voice actor splinters under pressure of cramming 17 side effects into final six seconds of radio ad

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STEP 9

Trials taken back to the drawing board after medication’s profitability remains inconclusive

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