Despite spending millions to sponsor the FIFA World Cup and its recent “Share A Coke” campaign, beverage maker Coca-Cola has reported weak sales during the first half of the year. Here are some options the multi-billion-dollar company is considering to improve sales and win back its customers:
- Plastic and aluminum containers to be replaced by more environmentally friendly burlap cans
- Introducing no-fizz version to target flat-cola drinkers
- Expanding Coca-Cola distribution beyond four U.S. states where it is currently sold
- Including free can of Coke inside every two-liter bottle of Coca-Cola
- Reducing chunky Cola pulp by 50 percent
- Growing sales of product by no longer telling consumers to share a Coke, but instead, to buy one of their own
- Rebranding product as something you can pour on your body when you don’t feel sticky enough
- Removing note on the side of the can that says “Shake Well”
- Venturing beyond beverage market with new solid cola that’s eaten with a knife and fork
- Being fucking happy that billions of dollars in profits are still being made