On Tuesday, Congress began holding confirmation hearings to evaluate the fitness of President-elect Donald Trump’s cabinet nominees for their offices. Here is a step-by-step guide to the confirmation hearing process.
STEP 1:
Prospective nominees are vetted to ensure their history of racially charged remarks has not been videotaped
STEP 2:
Name of nominee is submitted for approval to relevant Senate committees and lobbying firms
STEP 3:
Nominee desperately tries to get parrot to stop repeating “I haven’t paid taxes in decades” before investigators show up
STEP 4:
Each nominee receives a financial evaluation, louse check, and thorough scrub-down prior to standing before a committee
STEP 5:
Nominee is questioned extensively about why they would even choose to accept this position
STEP 6:
Personal references called
STEP 7:
Questionable civil rights record given a pass because 20 years was a long time ago
STEP 8:
Rapid-fire round where senators see how many appointments they can confirm in 60 seconds
STEP 9:
Elizabeth Warren just has a few more questions
STEP 10:
Senators admit nominee seems like a dick but hasn’t done anything explicitly against the law
STEP 11:
The nightmare begins