Illustration for article titled How Coronavirus Will Change Human Relationships

Research suggests the dangers of the coronavirus pandemic likely won’t subside for months, if not longer, and experts have warned that human relationships could be forever affected by prolonged isolation, as well as efforts to prevent future recurrences. The Onion looks at how coronavirus will change human relationships.

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Coughing and sneezing in another person’s face will be considered sign of disrespect.

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Roughly 10 years before general public feels comfortable offering bite of their sandwich.

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Airlines will allow active grocery personnel to board first.


More people leaving spouse after discovering existence of other people outside their apartment.

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People will abstain from engaging in casual, no-strings-attached handshakes.


Economic collapse leading to few remaining bars still being super crowded.


Touching another person likely met with feral hissing.


People will think twice about developing any kind of personal relationship.

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