How FEMA Responds To Disasters

Since its implementation in 1979, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has served as the U.S. government’s main response team to natural disasters, but often faces criticism for efforts perceived as insufficient. The Onion takes a step-by-step look at how FEMA responds to disasters.


STEP 1:

Review and update PR disaster preparedness guidelines.


STEP 2:

Turn on giant siren on top of agency headquarters.


STEP 3:

Pay out winner of office pool on which city would be devastated next.


STEP 4:

Reassure public with a press conference held in a pile of debris.


STEP 5:

Blankets for everyone!


STEP 6:

Little bit of the relief funding skimmed off the top for daddy.


STEP 7:

Eventually get to poor side of town.


STEP 8:

Government watchdogs and journalists warned area still too hazardous to enter.


STEP 9:

Leave battered community safely in the hands of insurance claim adjusters and loan sharks.

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