After a giant container ship got stuck in the Suez Canal for nearly a week, delaying a significant percentage of global trade, many people are wondering how the international shipping system works, and how one ship fucking up utterly and getting stuck could impact so much of it. The Onion provides a guide to how international shipping works and how the Suez Canal ship screwed it up completely.
STEP 1: Jeff Bezos reviews your Amazon order and compares it to current inventory reports before approving.
STEP 2: Cargo plane puts on Kevin Hart movie to entertain shipments during the flight.
STEP 3: Containers full of cocaine-dusted cereal and fentanyl-stuffed teddy bears loaded onto ships.
STEP 4: Forlorn exporters tearfully wave goodbye to departing goods.
STEP 5: Boat blows horn a few times.
STEP 6: Ships follow dotted lines bouncing between continents.
STEP 7: Captain clothes ship in sexy black dress in effort to skip the line at the canal.
STEP 8: Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!
STEP 9: Forklifts get their time to shine.
STEP 10: Product’s arrival fails to fill internal void.