How Migrants Reach Europe

Illustration for article titled How Migrants Reach Europe

Hundreds of immigrants crossing into Europe from Africa and the Middle East have risked injury and death seeking a new life for their families. Here is the step-by-step process by which they emigrate and the hardships they face on their journey:

  • Step 1: Families make spur-of-the-moment decision to leave behind the opportunity, safety, creature comforts, and overall happy existence in their native land to mooch off resources of European governments
  • Step 2: Pack a few granola bars and a bottle of water for the long trip
  • Step 3: Human traffickers assure group of immigrants that boat carrying them across Mediterranean is meant to hold this many people
  • Step 4: Scare the shit out of some sunbathers on a Greek beach
  • Step 5: Arriving refugees fill out one-part questionnaire on whether they intend to destroy Europe
  • Step 6: Trudging
  • Step 7: Migrants blend in by joining a protest disparaging their ethnicity and culture
  • Step 8: Hightail it through Hungary as quickly as possible
  • Step 9: Parents traveling with young children repeatedly assure themselves kids’ long-term memory capacity hasn’t kicked in yet
  • Step 10: Angela Merkel bestows each migrant with their new German name
  • Step 11: Migrants who fled Islamic terrorists decide to just go ahead and become Islamic terrorists in new country